• Sabrina

How to Know What You Want - Part I

Updated: Jan 29, 2020

Knowing what you want isn't always easy, but is vital to living a life with vitality and passion.

Take some time to watch a young child. Notice how they live in the moment, act on impulse, and know what it is they want (and usually how to get it). There's no delay or him-hawing about what to do next or what will bring them the most pleasure.

Now take notice of an older child. They are usually more hesitant. They look to adults or peers for approval, but if you look closely, you can still tell what it is they truly want. Based on the reactions or perceived reactions from those around them, they may or may not act on their desires.

To be compliant, logical, and easy are conditioned as virtues from a very young age.

Knowing what you want and acting on it is in complete contrast to what most of us have been conditioned away from.

It's no wonder that as adults, we have a difficult time finding what we want, nonetheless doing it.

Such conditioning served us. It helped us learn what was socially acceptable, what maintained harmony with others, and how to deal with the reality of not getting what we want all of the time. Most adults understand and adopted the values gained from disconnecting from what we want. But now it's time to take the power of desire back. We have the awareness of conditioning and can choose how to be.

It's time for you to reclaim your inherent desires and know what it is that you truly want.

You've already completed the first step to discovering what you want - you've become aware of why you're disconnected from it. That step is crucial for you to move forward because it requires that you separate from what happened to you (who you've been conditioned to be) and who you innately are.

So, how can you discover who you innately are?

1. Know your values

Values are important to us. They guide our decisions and motivate us. It is vital to consider and identify what personal values you actually hold. Once you're able to identify some of your personal values, you'll be able to assess every decision based on them. There are some great online resources to help you identify your values. One of my favorite values identification worksheets can be found here.

2. Know your strengths

What are you great at? What are your best talents and natural abilities? Where do you have the most impact? If you struggle figuring out what you're good at, consider what others who know you well say that you are good at or what you excelled at as a child. Spend time acknowledging and feeling proud of your strengths.

3. Know your personality

Understanding your character and temperament can be a helpful tool. Many people find that personality instruments like Myers-Briggs, Human Design, Enneagram, DiSC, etc. are beneficial for identifying traits and interpreting how to best interact with the world. A word of caution here: while feeling understood can feel empowering, over-identifying can cause you to stagnate and adopt a fixed mindset about you and your life. Maintain a growth mindset by appreciating the insight that understanding your personality can afford while keeping an open mind, remaining flexible, and evaluating your stories.

Consider the steps above as you get closer to knowing what you want. Who are you and what do you stand for? Get to know yourself and have the courage to build your life to better suit you.

Want help figuring out what you want?

Click the link here to schedule a free discovery call with me. I help successful women who feel lackluster, reconnect with their vitality.



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©2019 by Sabrina Caverly, Life Coach. Proudly created with